COLOMBIANA 1. (noun.) The CGI favelas superimposed upon the intricate-lit sheen of Zoe Saldana’s left tricep as she nuzzles a handgun between praying hands, barrel kissing her brow as the tasteful taupe words haloed over her head decree Vengeance Is Beautiful. 2. (verb). The act of engaging in a rare form of pica, during which the afflicted scarfs national flags; she then regurgitates them, fairy-godmothered into the stars and the stripes which will flutter aloft in Hi-Def, lambent with traces of saliva. 3.a. (mistake). Yours, North America, for flagrantly neglecting that your schools ensure all pupils learn the finer points of B & E & Neo-Colonial-favela-parkour. Your daughters, who can’t hack the flexor tendons of unwelcome strangers in point-oh-eight seconds; your nine-year-olds whose tibias still shatter at the mere sight of repeated ten-foot falls. 6. (champagne). Specifically, the Champagne of Sodas, surreptitiously containing your first taste of Coors Light, siphoned into your glass by that cousin, sniggering over the film at the younger kids, because a girl your age can’t take it straight, you know. 13.b. (mistake). Your father’s, who took on the video store run for the family reunion, who too jauntily had all the kids stack up like VHS tapes in the basement to evangelize hope for their salvaged fate: today, mis chinos, you will learn about your country from this lustrous DVD. 24. (synonym). For “exotic” or “hot-tempered” or “hot-bodied,” because Mexico, the usual booty call, is getting quite bad press of late, what with the actual Mexicans having their real names splashed grossly across the newsways. 8. (adjective.) The L.A. Times defines it aptly: a b-movie blast of bloody blam blam, and you’re checking your fingers and toes for little traces of her blood, listening close to your heartbeat: Define. Define. Define. 11. (constellation). In the quadrant Sagittarius; all Third-World-Country movie sets are mocked-up on a blueprint of the pattern in this cluster, in which the stars spell out a woman’s sharpened breasts and sleek, protruding ribs, rubbed with a coffee marinade, garnished with rare, edible orchids. “B-movie blast of bloody blam blam” is a line from Betsey Sharkey’s review of Colombiana in The Los Angeles Times, written in 2011. Rebecca Salazar is a creative writing MA student at UNB, managing editor of Qwerty, and editorial assistant at The Fiddlehead. Originally from Sudbury, Ontario, she was a co-founding editor of Sulphur: Laurentian University’s Literary Journal. She was recently awarded first place in The Malahat Review’s Open Season poetry contest, and an honorable mention in CV2’s 2014 Young Buck Poetry Contest. Her writing has appeared in Existere and Poetry is Dead.