REVIEWING A UNICORN for Michael Lista
"Reviewing Chinese Democracy [by Guns N' Roses] is not like reviewing music. It's more like reviewing a unicorn. Should I primarily be blown away that it exists at all? Am I supposed to compare it to conventional horses?" -Chuck Klosterman
The mob that likes to think it likes such things as unicorns will judge your work a hatchet job and you, a hack, a heart- less Viking tucking in at his trestle table-- hacking loose a hoof or breaking off a haunch of a horse laid out among apples on a platter. Never mind your skill with a cleaver, your wielding it the way a surgeon does a scalpel; the mob won't see, being up in the balcony of the operating theatre, what lies before you: a horse with a tacky, tacked- on prosthesis, the sort of cost-effective solution an extra wears when playing it alien on some show. (Test the prosthesis with a tug and the mob will cup its collective hands around the bassoon of a boo.) Your critics, smelling a critic with an attitude, won't see the papier-mache cone for the horn, so when you saw it off (the horse craning to lick your wrist in gratitude) the mob will swear it hears the sound of snark- toothed steel biting into living bone. Jason Guriel from Satisfying Clicking Sound, Vehicule, 2014