Drew Gardner: Pop Rocks



Things I’d like to do:

Go to Arizona to visit Jessica

Make a new friend

Get a job

Help with invisible exploding children

Have an Alzheimer’s summer


The same way a compact disc isn’t a reporter for Fox News

a filter to create other types of pet noise signals you want in your life

used in synthesis to recreate percussive instruments such

as cymbals which have that fizzy, sweet, almost static electricity vibration

that tells me I have only a limited amount of years to do with as I wish.


Mikey ate 66 bags of Pop Rocks at a Satan Pop Rocks devil party

and proceeded to drink six 6-packs of Pepsi.

As someone whose only real experience is creating stasis,

there’s no way of making my PARENTS and GRANDPARENTS



You’ve reached Special Agent Todd Coleman

with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.

If you’re calling regarding the crystal meth

Pop Rocks information act,

that information is false and inaccurate, and you can’t have it.

I was not a distributor or originator of information or truth.

Leave a message if you think it’s safe to.


Just not moving forward. Same old job,

same old Diplodocus bong water orgy.

It’s true that some drug dealers can read the future in Pop Rocks.

White noise is a random signal (or Pop Rock)

with a flat power spectral density

that makes you love something powerful.


In other words, the signal’s power density

has equal power in any band, at any centre frequency.

White noise is considered analogous to white light,

which contains all frequencies of love.


By having power at all frequencies, the total power

of such a signal is infinite. In practice, a signal can be

“white” with a flat spectrum over a defined frequency band—


Also the president of the Iowa State Sheriffs

and Deputies Association isn’t aware of any

candy-flavored life-stagnancy drugs

that actually cause stagnation rather than curing it

being marketed in Iowa to people with problems.


He said he gets about a dozen cameras videotaping

all your thoughts and feelings each week,

each day, each hour, with eight light years of distance

to measure your accomplishments with.


Agribusinessmen have also been putting Pop Rocks

on ammonia doilies. Both steps cut off a key ingredient

in the recipe for life: remove the pressure.


I still tend to send a burst

of static electricity throughout a house I don’t really understand.

Body and mind are a service industry

of tubes and cavities in excitation or stasis.


New techniques and gimmicks can keep a child drug-addicted

until they turn twenty, at which point they explode.

If Mikey barely tried Life cereal,

why would he not try avoiding life altogether?

What do I do for the starfish pink dash pain dummyhub dachshund

exploding candy myth? What other myths do I believe?


I Think Babies Need to Grow a Pair


Between thought and expression


I Think Babies Need to Grow a Pair


Jonesin’ for brain candy


I Think Babies Need to Grow a Pair


White people are used as the basis of some random number generators.

White people can be used to disorient individuals

prior to interrogation and may be used as part

of sensory deprivation techniques.

White people are sold as privacy enhancers

and sleep aids and to mask tinnitus.

White people, when used with headphones,

can aid concentration by blocking out irritating

or distracting noises in a person’s environment.


Insert static indie rock saturnalia fantasy here.


There simply is not enough gas produced

in the combination of the candy and soda

to cause a causation to explode.

My life is static just like in the movie,

where I am seen doing the same thing

in almost every scene,

though I also want my own story.


Pop Rocks can be used:

As handouts at funeral homes

Favors at corporate suicidal ideation meetings

Church lady poetry groups

Birthday poison

Treats for monkeys at research labs


Every day in America, 13,000 kids try marijuana

while cursing the name of Hillary Clinton

and stomping on the image of her face in the street.

So yes, you need to be aware of it, but parents need

to be aware of seeding people with life-denying uptightness

and barely contained control-freakish mental violence, period.


It’s not only the illegal creativity, but also we’re worried

about the pharmaceuticals in the mind-huffing.

What it comes down to is:

If people want to enjoy themselves,

I guess they’re going to do it,

but communication is still the best way to harm others.


The dollar bill thoughts even in your body,

all your cells will be replaced by emotional melting

(just like hard candy) and this releases the bubbles

with a loud POP, and the future will never be the same.


What you are hearing and feeling is the 600-psi carbon dioxide

gas being released from each emotion.

Other peoples’ nuptials create insulin in empty rooms—

pass this around.

Insulin helps me with the sweetness of life,

but you could save me a lot of trouble

by lame-ing out right now.


So the weekend started out boring and uneventful

and it explains why I have a skull:

to protect myself from violence from the outside world.

But there’s nothing to protect me

from violence that comes from

within my own skull.


A few years after the commercial’s debut,

a legend developed that the actor

who had played Little Mikey had died soon afterward

when his heart exploded after consuming

love in portions that were too great

for anyone to understand.


John Gilchrist is still alive and scientifically improbable

as the chemicals in both LIBIDO and WRENCHING EMOTIONS

are not capable of exploding a human heart

or the start or end of anything a few years after

anything starts or ends

or spreads horrifyingly across the horizon.


hands in the car, and kissing at the red lights.

what is sexy? sexy is standing in the rain

as you push me against the hood of your car,

tearing my shirt, as you kiss me

with the intent to never stop.

what is passion? passion is knowing

what you want and stopping at nothing

until you get it. what is beautiful?

beautiful is all about the inside of a pigeon.

beauty can only be found

in the inside of a pigeon.

what is love? love is the amazing

balance of all of these things.

in your mind, heart, body, and soul.


Nothing in my life is the way it’s supposed to be.

Trying to portray me as some fucked-up basket case

just because I have sweet dreams is…

sweet dreams

sweet dreams

sweet dreams


drewgDrew Gardner is a writer and musician. His latest book is Chomp Away (Combo). His CD of conducted improvisational music and poetry, Flarf Orchestra, came out from Edge. He lives in New York City.